I recently read a news report about a Facebook post (who knew that someday we’d have news reports on people’s random internet ramblings) by a woman named Emily Bingham (her Facebook page is located here). The gist of the post was that you shouldn’t ask people (couples specifically) when they were going to have kids. Not ever. If you’re one of the two people’s parents and want to know when grandkids might be coming, mind your own business! If you’re a long term friend who have friends that married a couple years ago, mind your own business!
Her main point is that it might cause the person you’re asking pain. They may be struggling with infertility. They may be having relationship problems. They may not be sure when they’re planning to have kids. This might cause them pain to bring up.
This seems absolutely crazy to me. When you’re in a relationship with someone be they your friend, child, one of the natural things to do is to discuss they’re plans for their life. You’re supposed to share their joys and their sorrows with them. It almost seems like this woman just wants a surface relationship with people. Nothing more than pleasantries and small talk.
Not to mention what this means about her (and possibly others’) psyche. Have we become so weak, psychologically, that a reasonable question about the possibility of grandkids is too stressful to take? That an innocent question like this would be a hardship. I’m not suggesting that if you ask someone and they say that they don’t really want to talk about it you keep asking. I am suggesting that if you’re wounded enough to lose any sleep over an innocent question of this nature (or write a Facebook post about it) perhaps you have some other deep seated issue that might need to be dealt with.
That or as a country we’ve just become so soft that even the tiniest amount of any discomfort is unacceptable.